If you're in the mood for sheer thrills, pulse-throbbing music, tons of noise and good-natured humor (some of it intentional), go see Armageddon. But -- and it's a big but -- be prepared to put your brain on hold, or turn it off entirely.

As written by Jonathan Hensleigh and J. J. Abrams, and directed by Michael Bay (Bad Boys, The Rock) Armageddon is a hodgepodge. Oil driller Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) and his merry band of misfits attempt to save the world from destruction by an asteroid "the size of Texas, Mr. President."

Recruited by government expert Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton), the group is given a NASA- sanctioned crash course in space survival. Shot into space tourist class, they are expected to drill into the asteroid, obliterate it with a nuclear device, and come back home. Wfew! Just your basic Hellfighters meets The Right Stuff.

Along the way there is the mandatory story of age versus youth -- Stamper and A.J. Frost (Ben Affleck). Ditto romance -- Stamper's daughter ( Liv Tyler) and Frost. "Chick" Chapple (Will Patton) pushes the redemption button, and Rockhound (Steve Buscemi) provides the comic relief.

While the special effects provided by Dream Quest Images are spectacular, the scenes in space are dark, murky and confusing. Too often, you can't tell what's life threatening and what isn't.

Ironically, old-fashioned, down-to-earth acting saves the day. In lesser hands, Armageddon could have been Sphere, only less. But Willis, in the John Wayne role, puts a fine, sarcastic spin on his otherwise pedestrian lines. Billy Bob Thornton makes the government seem human and humane. Buscemi and Patton lend just the right touch of comedy and dignity to what could easily have been throwaway roles.

Ben Affleck shoulders the hardest job -- he's asked to be brash, romantic, funny, manly and charming, AND save the planet. The fact that he pulls most of it off, given some of the ickiest dialogue this side of a cookie box, is testament to his ability. And his off-key version of "Leaving on a Jet Plane" is just the icing on the asteroid.

In fact, Affleck is asked to do so much in Armageddon, it's a pity he and his writing partner, Matt Damon, weren't asked to work on the screenplay, too.

Joan Fuchsman

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